During the course of my career, I’ve been asked many times by troubled teenagers what they can do to help an errant loved one or a friend change. Now, that’s not an easy answer – people do have their agency. But there is an answer.

October the [13th] 14th is a day that Ruth will never forget. Her father, while on his way to work, was killed in an accident. Ruth was 11 years old at the time. The ensuing days of the viewing and the funeral were like a nightmare for her. They were terrible!

For weeks, she struggled to grasp that her father was gone, that she couldn’t go to him; she couldn’t help him. And in her anguish, there was no one she could talk to. Her sister seemed so strong; her mother seemed so fragile. She felt that if either of them knew her pain, that it would destroy them. For a time, Ruth took to walking to the cemetery and to her dad’s grave, where she would cry and talk to him, and find a measure of comfort.

At the beginning, Ruth believed that somehow it was her fault that her father was gone. Then after a time, she came to believe that her father had abandoned her and the family. Bitter anger and resentment replaced [love] and filled her. She could not explain it nor control it. She loved and missed her father, yet at the same time, she came to resent all that he stood for, and began to rebel against the teachings and standards that he had devoted his life to. So confusing and conflicting did her emotions and thoughts become that it was easier to run from them than to understand them. The most painful thing to do was to think.

Well in her escape, Ruth became reckless and extreme, working three jobs, pushing her body in sports beyond safe limits. Her eating habits became irregular and dangerous. No one could get close to her. Everyone was pushed away. Ruth became consumed with anger, rebelling against life, and caring nothing whether she lived or died.

Well, her family tried, but they could not understand her illogical, unreasonable, and rebellious actions. Ruth’s frustration and anger became directed at the one person in this life who tried the most desperately to hang on to her and to help her, her mother. Ruth said that the most frequently used exit door in her house became her own bedroom window.

Well, one night Ruth did not come home. Her mother went to find her, and – it erupted into conflict. Back and forth the argument went. Finally, in caustic defiance Ruth challenged her mother,

“What are you going to do?”

Her mother stopped suddenly. All the life and the fight seemed to melt away and go out of her. Her voice dropped to a quiet low tone, and defeatedly she said,

“Ruth, - you can do what you want, but you can’t do anything to make me not love you.”

Stunned into silence, Ruth left and went down to her room, her mother’s words echoing in her mind as she walked. She sat on her bed and pondered. And then – all of a sudden it was [as] though her eyes were opened.

“What am I doing?” she thought. “Why am I so angry?”

It was at that moment that Ruth came to realize who had been controlling her life – and it wasn’t God. Her anger and her bitterness melted into shame and self-disgust. She didn’t want to be angry anymore. She didn’t want to fight with her mother. She knew like she had never known before that no matter what she did, her mother meant it; she was always going to love her.

As Ruth saw herself in her miserable and wretched state, she became filled with a desire to change, to become a better person, to be more kind to her mother. But, how – how could she change what she herself could not understand? And then – and this is a point about teaching the child – it was at that point that she remembered what she had known as a little child, that the Gospel was true, and that there was indeed a loving God, a loving Father who could help.

She fell to her knees right there by her bed, and begged God to help her, vowing – and this is important – vowing that she would give anything to change, and to have that feeling she had once felt in Primary. Then and there she determined that Satan would no longer control her, that she was on Heavenly Father’s side, whether He wanted her or not, that whatever it took, she would live worthy of the love of her mother.

There was a calmness and a peace that came over her as she spoke these words. She drifted off to sleep. She awoke the next morning and Ruth said,

“From that moment on He changed me. Everything with the Gospel tasted good after that. Everything changed.” And there was no more fighting; there was no more rebelling.

My dear friends, I think we all know someone we want to have change. I tell you that it is the awesome power of God-like love, pure enduring love that has no agenda, that has no conditions, that opens up the hearts of those we love to be changed by the Spirit of God. When we obtain this gift of pure love, lives change.

In closing, may I leave you with these thoughts? Speaking of her family, Ruth told me, “I don’t know why they didn’t just give up on me and send me away. Where would I be if they had? I am so happy. I love my mom.”

My dear friends, there is another world waiting for those who have learned how to love in this one, without the pain. It reminds me of the words of a hymn.

“There is no end to glory; there is no end to love; there is no end to being; there is no death above …” (If You Could Hie to Kolob)